NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: I am achieving so much, yet society makes me feel like nothing without marriage
In this week’s episode of NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher, a successful young woman opens up about the emotional toll of societal expectations. In a world where a woman’s worth is often unfairly measured by her marital status, her story is one of academic and professional achievement, yet behind the accolades lies a silent struggle for acceptance, love, and understanding.
Dear Sis Eesher,
My heart is heavy. I am 27 years old, a Master’s degree holder, and recently admitted into a PhD. program. I work with the government, and I run a business on the side. Yet, despite all these accomplishments, society makes me feel like I’m not enough simply because I’m not married.
I am AS genotype, and this has made compatibility a challenge with potential suitors. I’ve had to walk away from several prospects due to this issue. It’s painful, but I’ve always tried to stay hopeful.
But lately, I feel like depression is slowly consuming me. People no longer hide their cruel comments — they say it to my face: “You’re too old,” “What were you doing in your early 20s instead of getting married?”
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I am hurting, Sis Eesher. I cry often. I truly desire marriage, a home of my own, but it hasn’t happened yet, and it’s not my fault. Why am I being made to feel guilty for something beyond my control?
Please help me. I’m tired. I’m drowning in sadness, and society is not making it any easier. 😭💔
Dear Anonymous,
Come close. Let me first hold your heart gently and remind you: You are not broken. You are not behind. You are not a failure.
What you are is brilliant, accomplished, faithful, and deeply human.
You have climbed mountains others only dream of…. an MSc at 27, admission for a PhD, a stable job, and a business, all in a society that often does not make it easy for women to thrive independently. These are not small things. These are extraordinary things. And yet, I see that the absence of marriage in your life is being treated like the absence of worth.
That, my dear, is the cruel lie of a deeply flawed society, one that reduces the value of a whole human being to a single status box: Married or Not Married.
But you must not let that lie live rent-free in your soul.
Your pain is real. The disappointment, the longing, the incompatibility caused by your genotype, it’s a heavy burden to carry. And when people, sometimes even family mock or pity you, they only make that burden heavier. But let me say this clearly: Their ignorance is not your truth.
Marriage is not a trophy you failed to win. It is a divine arrangement that happens on divine timing — and it is not delayed by your choices, nor denied by your worth. Allah sees you, hears you, and is never late in His plans.
You are allowed to feel sad. But please do not let it convince you that you are less. You are allowed to cry. But please don’t let your tears wash away the beautiful woman that you are.
You are not alone in this journey. Many sisters walk this path with quiet pain. But you, for speaking up, are giving a voice to their silence. And that, too, is a form of courage.
So take your time, beloved. Keep loving, keep praying, keep becoming. Marriage will come — but you are already whole. Let no one tell you otherwise.
With all my love,
Sis Eesher
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