NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: He Fulfilled His Own Dreams and Forgot Mine
Many women enter marriage with hopes of growing alongside their husbands, spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Sadly, some discover that while they invest in their husbands’ progress, their dreams are left unattended. Today’s story is from a woman who has spent ten years in marriage waiting for a promise to be fulfilled.
Dear Sis Eesher,
Please advise me. I am a married woman with children, and this year marks the tenth year of my marriage. Before our wedding, my husband promised that I would further my education because I had only completed high school.
The problem is this: whenever I raise the issue of returning to school, it ends in a quarrel. My husband himself was only a secondary school graduate, but during our marriage, he managed to obtain two academic certificates because he went back to school. At the time, he told me that neither of us could be studying simultaneously. I agreed and waited.
Now that he has finished, I don’t see him making any effort towards supporting my ambition. Whenever I bring it up, he pretends not to hear, and if I insist, it turns into a heated argument. He often says there is no money to put me in school, which is true, but what hurts more is the silence—no encouragement, no words of hope, just indifference.
The small business I am managing has not been doing well either, and I feel sad and stuck. People also mock SSCE holders, and I experience that sting of being looked down upon. What do I really do at this point?
Dear Anonymous,
First, let me acknowledge your pain. You are not wrong for desiring education, nor are you wrong for feeling disappointed. A promise was made to you, and you have waited patiently for ten years.
However, you do not have to wait any longer for someone else to champion your dreams. The reality is that your husband may never prioritize your education the way you wish. That doesn’t mean you should abandon your ambition.
Here are some steps you can take:
1. Encourage Yourself First: Do not wait for validation from your husband or anyone. Remind yourself that your dream is valid, and your value is not defined by your current certificate.
READ ALSO: NP’s Family Dynamics with Eesher: I Gambled with Love… and Lost Everything
2. Explore Affordable Options: Education today is no longer confined to classrooms. There are part-time programs, online diplomas, and even short professional courses you can start with little cost. Some NGOs and government schemes also support women’s education—keep an eye out for them.
3. Build Gradually: Since your business is struggling, consider learning basic business skills online for free. Platforms like YouTube and free learning sites can give you knowledge while you prepare financially for bigger academic goals.
4. Communicate with Wisdom: Instead of confronting your husband with arguments, share your dream as a journey you want to take for yourself, your children, and even the family’s pride. Sometimes changing the tone of the conversation reduces resistance.
5. Never Let Shame Define You: Many people with only SSCE have built successful lives. Certificates open doors, yes, but confidence, resilience, and continuous self-improvement are equally powerful keys.
My dear, you may not control your husband’s actions, but you can control your own. Don’t let ten more years pass while waiting for someone to give you permission. Start where you are, with what you have, and trust Allah to bless your sincere effort.
With love and prayers,
Sis Eesher
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